There’s a kind of machismo, a “masculine bravado,” associated with the 4th of July and fireworks. A lady I once knew often said, sarcastically, around this time of year, “Men and their fireworks.” Another expression she used if ever you sought her out for a band-aid or other first-aid assistance was “Men and their boo-boos.”

Indeed. Men + fireworks + machismo + beer often adds up to “stupid and dangerous.” Young men are particularly susceptible, especially if there are attractive females in the vicinity (secret for aspiring shade-tree pyrotechicians of the male gender: women generally are not impressed by your moronic pyro-antics, even if they pretend to be).

Guys: don’t think I’m fully abdicating “male camp,” here, and making water on a time-honored male tradition. I too have known the terrible allure of playing with fireworks in my 40-odd years. This is why I understand it so well (I also hold in my mind’s eye, as I sit here typing, the memory of a young man with the seat of his pants on fire, running for the water at Birch Bay, guffawing like a common simpleton as he went). What I’m saying is: don’t be a jackass. Use fireworks in the manner specified by the manufacturer (e.g., if it says, “Do not hold in hand - light fuse and get away.” then do not hold it in your hand, and light the fuse and get away. Duh.) Educate yourself in the rules of firework safety and local fireworks codes.

Remember, it’s also cool and “manly” to be concerned with the welfare of others and your neighbor’s property, not to mention your own. Real men don’t behave like drunken idiots and put life and limb of innocent bystanders at risk. They also avoid blowing their fingers off, because they know it will be hard to get through life with missing fingers, and they may have dependents to support.

It has been my experience that “womens’ roles” at homegrown fireworks displays are to keep themselves and the kids at a safe distance, and to yell at the men for being jackasses. However, for you female fireworks handlers, all of the above applies to you, too.

Everyone, have fun! And be cool. Be safe and sane.